Reflections on the course

The course hasn't been an easy ride -  partly due to an uncomfortable and, to my mind, unproductive,  relationship with my first tutor.  In distance learning, more than in regular contact learning, this relationship is key.  The process of distance learning is quite lonely and isolating no matter how wide or close a supportive network there is.  If the relationship with the tutor doesn't gel, then there is no basis of trust developed and this makes interpretation of critical assessment more difficult.  I personally found my first tutor cold, distant, and with no apparent empathy or understanding of the needs of a mature student, despite his often stated expertise and experience.

My original intention when starting the course was purely personal development rather than a track towards obtaining a degree. I was confident that my previous wide range of workshop experience had been sufficient to give me a good grounding in the basics of technical and variety of printmaking methods, especially after a discussion with OCA staff.  I kept an open mind about assessment but, as my confidence reduced over time I realised it would be a mistake to put myself under the extra, unnecessary, pressure of the process and  my own assessment of the prints I was producing for the course was that they were not up to my personal standard.  I was able to produce good quality prints in workshops and when working on personal projects at home but my skills and techniques seemed to fail me time and again when producing prints for the course.

The first assignment went relatively well but I seemed unable to make decision regarding the final treatment and experienced several false starts - eventually settling on a very standard dry point. Looking back at this work now I feel that some of these abortive attempts hold quite a lot of potential for development especially the long lino cut with abstract inking, with perhaps the addition of chine colle or even combining the lino and the dry point.

Looking back at the assignment pieces I am surprised how my confidence dropped - on reviewing them I think they are reasonable prints. I like the Cedars and also the abstract piece is very successful - the printing techniques are alright as well.

One of the comments that I was dismayed at from the assignment feedback referred to my sketchbook work.  I took this very personally - too personally in fact - as over time I have recognised that more does not equal better or development.  My drawings and sketching for the project were predictable and boring and,  where I did show some imaginative flair, I failed to develop the ideas to the degree that I could. However, I still feel the tutor comments could have been phrased in a more constructive way.  My sketchbook work has developed a great deal over the course - I am continually exploring and developing ideas as well as using more mixed media techniques in sketchbooks while developing ideas and this process started after the first assignment feedback.

Due to the first tutors' personal preferences I changed the way I recorded progress for Assignment 2 - both my journal,  where I Iogged exhibitions, books, research etc and the learning diary for which I used a blog. I found this change difficult since I had kept my journal/log book for several years and had developed a method that suited me.I had also become comfortable with keeping  a blog, so changing both to typewritten versions to suit the tutor, who didn't like hand-written or electronic methods of recording, seemed an added and uncomfortable complication and not in accordance with the preferred methods of the OCA.

I struggled with assignment 2, the abstract assignment,  and I received very negative feedback - which was deserved - with little constructive advice. I decided to contact my tutor and ask for advice during the process of assignment 3,  so that I could be more confident that I was on the right track,  but this decision was not well received and I was discouraged from contacting him.  He had recorded all the times I had contacted him which included courtesy e-mails advising him the work was in the post.  Perhaps rightly so, but since I knew that at least one other student had been encouraged to contact her tutor with problems and to ask for clarification after the feedback, I felt even more isolated and was close to giving up the course.  After several months of indecision I accepted a friend's advice and asked for a change of tutor and was very pleasantly surprised how straight forward this process was. The OCA office was very supportive.  However, the delay in asking for this change created a real pressure for finishing the course.

 My new tutor was very approachable but I found I had lost so much confidence in my ability and technique that I struggled to develop the discipline and structure of regular printmaking that was one of my primary aims for starting the course.  A major family loss at this time put everything on hold and led to a recurrence of depression.  I was then informed that I was to have a third tutor and this couldn't have come at a worst time for me.

The new tutor was communicative but I still struggled with lack of confidence, depression and inertia.  This prevarication meant that I was fast running out of time to finish the course within the two years deadline but decided that I needed the closure of finishing the course even though I was very dissatisfied with the prints I had produced. I decided to apply for an extension on the grounds of family loss and depression and was granted three months extension.  This extra period coincided with the first anniversary of my Mother's death and I again experienced debilitating depression but I persevered and eventually was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the final print.

Conclusions

• distance learning works for me for academic subjects, my original degree and Masters degree were achieved through distance learning - but I have recognised that I benefit more from workshop environments for art projects
• the tutor-student relationship is key - in a similar situation I will be more proactive
• a technical subject such as printmaking will always require the backing of a tutoring situation 
• reviewing the work I have submitted, I have found unforced errors and most pieces which I know could have been much more competently printed. I have disappointed myself - but these pieces hold potential and I intend revisiting them and re-working and developing them - something new for me and a mindset that this course has enabled me to develop
• I am on the way to developing my own voice - one of the aims of the course
• I have recognised some strengths and identified weaknesses which I will address
• my sketchbook and development work is evolving and getting more exciting and is full of potential
•  Once I know the standard techniques and processes I am more prepared to explore different methods just to see "what will happen if I do...."  - accepting the value of each exploration